June 2009
17 posts
maybe the world should keep lisa marie away from...
“It’s kind of like walking out a door and discovering that it’s a...”
– Conor Oberst
possibly my favorite tfln
(480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she’s wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
“(414): I skipped work to stalk him.”
– god, i love textsfromlastnight
“We were the cliché, but we carried on...
i just got done watching The Rocker with Rainn Wilson, and i have to say that it was incredibly cute. but can someone please tell me why teddy geiger is not as popular as he used to be? its a shame.
“If Edward had a facebook status that said Edward Cullen left Bella. I would like...”
– my roommate
Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.